Why do I lie so much, and why should I care if I lie?
Most of us lie most of the time. We all tell big lies, little lies, white lies, red and black lies… we tell all kinds of lies. We don’t think much about all this lying, we seem to think that this lying is like taking a shower, something you do and often.
Yet, lying has profound consequences on how we live, on how we interpret life and on how we relate to our human fellows. It establishes the color and tenor in all our relationships and in how we connect with ourselves and the world around us.
There are all kinds of lies, from huge lies that can impact our life in profound ways such as denying a crime we have committed, to medium lies like pretending you care when you don’t, to smaller lies like stealing an apple at the grocery store. But regardless of the size and weight of our lies, they all leave a scar in our integrity, and if left unchecked, in the long run they lead us to a chaotic life.
To lie is to intentionally mislead others when they expect honest communications.
It is a non-very subtle form of betrayal, and it surely corrodes the level of trust between friends. The liar, if she has any awareness of the fact that she is lying, imagines that she is not harming the other person in as long as her lie goes unnoticed. She will mostly give you long winded or convoluted excuses of why she did what she did to avoid embarrassment, to exaggerate her abilities, to disguise wrongdoing, to spare your feelings, to pretend what she is not, and or to get out of a situation.
We sometimes become so used to lying and just saying whatever will get us to where we want to be, that we don’t even realize we are lying.
The deceit of lying becomes so ingrained in our psyches and behavior that many many times, we don’t even know we are lying.
When I say I will call you back, that I will return your book, that I will check on your email, that I will look into your question, that I did not see you, that I did not have it, and so on, with no real intention of doing it, or truth to back it up, I am deceiving and I am lying to you. And lying is a breach of trust, and it is damaging to any relationship, not only because of the inherent deceit but also because it implies the arrogant stance of thinking that I am so smart that I can cheat you.
I am not exaggerating the severity and the deep implications that lying has in our life mainly because it corrodes our happiness and our wellbeing.
But the next time, right as you are about to make an excuse, or about to share a belief, or take a stance on a group decision, stop for a moment and check your motivation. Check what is the intention behind your action verbal or not. Check what is the purpose of your interaction. Give yourself some space to decide if it is aligned with your integrity, your truth and your desire to connect to what is honest, then, once you decide, proceed with full awareness.
Ask yourself whether you are about to strengthen your sense of honor, integrity and dignity, or whether you are strengthening your sense of deceit and dishonor.
Although lying is popular, honesty is the biggest gift we can give others and ourselves. Once we commit to it and we live by it, it becomes a source of power.
We need to emulate those wise and compassionate human beings marked by sterling honesty who have made a mark in the history of humanity. We can do it. We can start right now by learning to pay attention to what we are doing and thinking and by practicing to become aware of what is our own truth at any given moment.
We will learn not to compromise our integrity and we will thus allow the best of us to shine through. We will start a new world!
Love and light,
Monica